Or: He Took A Bite Of His Sandwich: You Won’t BELIEVE What Happened Next.
This morning, as I was making my daughter’s packed lunch, I realised with some joy that there was sufficient leftover tuna mayo for a whole other sandwich. That’s lunch sorted I thought. Two slices of bread, scrape of butter (not too much), dollop the rest of the tuna on, chop it in half, boom. Done.
Casting around for something to put the sandwich in, I found a tupperware[1] box about the right shape and size. Sandwich in, sorted.
Pleased with myself, I finished loading up LB’s lunchbox with her tuna wrap, popped my plastic box into my bag and set off for work.
At lunchtime I retrieved the box from the fridge, eager to munch on my delicious tuna sandwich.
I took the first half of the sandwich. Hmm, I thought. That’s got more tuna in than I remember. Munch munch, yum.
Still peckish, I took a bite of the other half.
Something was amiss. Awry, even.
There was something fishy about this tuna sandwich…
Actually, there wasn’t.
I opened the two slices of bread. Small flecks of tuna lay nestled on their buttery bed, forlorn.
ALL THE TUNA HAD SLID DOWN INTO THE FIRST HALF.
This was like[2] the WORST TUNA SANDWICH EVER.
Worse even than when you go to a sandwich shop and they’ve helpfully cut the sandwich diagonally[3] so you can see all the delicious filling and it looks really nice and then you buy it but it turns out the filling is all actally up against the visible edge so you’re left with a huge bready margin to your sandwich.
The first half was awesome though.
[1] not *actual* Tupperware. Other plastic containers are available.
[2] actually, I’m sure it *was* the worst tuna sandwich ever.
[3] diagonally-cut sandwiches taste better. True fact.
espresso coco 
A most (or least) fishy tale, indeed. And I, too, hate[1] it when sandwich shops heap all the fillings into the middle of the sandwich. There is a proper bread to filling ratio per bite for a sandwich and most shops miss it entirely. As for the diagonal sandwich cutting… I used to prefer the diagonal, artistically, but lately I’ve been sort of ambivalent about it, even going so far as to cut my sandwiches into rectangles as a sort of intellectual and culinary experiment.
Further bulletins as events warrant.
[1] Hate is far too mild a word for it, actually.
Ugh. How disappointing. I like to really spread everything to the edges. With toast too. If you can see the surface of the bread it’s gone wrong.