spaaaaaam

Spam spam spam spam... [cue the vikings]
Spam spam spam spam… [cue the vikings]
Do you ever read the spam comments on your blog? I’ve noticed a few creeping through the usually excellent automatic filter and into my inbox for approval. One of them caught my eye:

First of all I would like to say excellent blog! I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your head prior to writing. I have had a tough time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out there. I do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or hints? Appreciate it!

First of all, thank you for the kind words, random spambot! I’m ever-so glad you like my blog, and don’t mind answering your question at all.

I also have a tough time clearing my thoughts to get my ideas out there.

Well, that’s not entirely true. What usually happens is that I cast about wildly for something interesting to talk about, something catches my eye (hello, spam comment!) and I waffle on about that for a bit, try and find a suitable photo to go with it, and Robert’s your mother’s brother[1].

The hardest bit of writing I find is getting the first few words on the page. Once they’re there, it’s like opening a tap and the words just fall out of my head via my fingers onto the keyboard.

It’s jolly messy.

Once I’ve knocked out a quick draft I’ll sit on it for a while to let it brew properly, go back and fix the various things that are wrong, sit on it some more, fix the other typos, then schedule a post.

I used to skip past the whole editing thing and the process would go idea > draft > post > realise I’d missed a bit > edit > repost > realise I’d said something stupid > re-edit > re-post > delete > start over. The new way is so much quicker, plus you get a blog post which has had a bit of thought (no, honestly) and care & attention.

Stop laughing at the back.

[1] Bob’s your uncle. Keep up.

spam poetry

I usually skim the contents of my gmail spam folder, on the offchance that something is in there that shouldn’t be. I was struck this morning by some of the titles, and mused that they almost sounded like poetry.

I present, for your edification and enjoyment, a pome. I call it ‘Spam, entitled’. Made up entirely of genuine spam subject headers.

To himself on the Crumpetty Tree
Down the slippery slopes of Myrtle
Beware of cold, deterministically skipped
Why it falls quick? Did you asked something?
Spin the wheel of chance
See you there, address attached.

[edit] turns out the first line is from Edward Lear’s The Quangle Wangle. I rather suspect that Myrtle’s slippery slopes are *not* Lear though. 🙂

[edited edit] turns out Myrtle is Lear’s too. Which means my cunning plan of doing spam subject-related poetry works because it was poetry in the first place. ha!